


Two Sides of Lonely

by epistemology



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Don't Post To Another Site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd is bad at feelings but tries anyway, M/M, Sad Dick Grayson, Sad Fluff, if dc can ignore their own timeline so can I, jaydick-flashfic: anniversary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22687723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epistemology/pseuds/epistemology
Summary: "Did it hurt?" Dick asked quietly after a moment.Andthatwas a loaded question but one Jason could answer truthfully."Dying was the only part that didn't."
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 16
Kudos: 209





	Two Sides of Lonely

Jason had planned to spend the evening at his current favorite bar drinking alone. He hadn’t expected to sit down and find Dick Grayson next to him, already tipsy and in the process of ordering another drink.

“Woah, maybe wait a bit on that one.” Jason smiled at the bartender, who knew him since he came here a little too frequently. Usually alone. “Can you maybe just get him some mozzarella sticks or something?”

The bartender - her name was Julia - raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it since Dick had just made a show of recognizing him.

“Jay! What’re you doing here?”

“I should ask you that. I come here a lot, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before.”

Dick squinted. “You come here a lot? Jay, that’s not good for you!”

“Stop your worrying. I don’t usually get drunk! Why are you here?”

“I dunno.”

“Yes you do, come on.”

Dick sighed loudly and leaned his head on Jason’s shoulder, who immediately shrugged him off. It didn’t matter, because Dick put his head right back, and Jason relented that time.

“It’s been a year.”

It was soft, no more than a whisper, but Jason heard it clearly and knew exactly what Dick was referring to. He felt a little bad that he’d forgotten, but then again, he and the kid had never been close.

“Did you visit the grave already?”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s not even there.”

“Course it matters. I know for a fact you still visit my grave on the day.”

“I went before I came here.”

And that explained why the Golden Boy was off getting drunk in the kind of place Jason frequented. He snuck a glance at Dick, who was still resting against him, and his eyes looked watery. Jason hoped he didn’t start crying, because he had no clue what he was supposed to do if that happened.

But Dick’s gaze was vacant, expressionless, and it struck Jason that this was somehow worse. Dick was an emotional person; seeing him like this was _wrong_ , and in that moment Jason might’ve done anything to change it.

"Did it hurt?" Dick asked quietly after a moment.

And _that_ was a loaded question but one Jason could answer truthfully.

"Dying was the only part that didn't."

Dick made a thoughtful noise, then raised his head to look Jason in the eyes. “Do you ever remember being dead?”

“No.” He didn’t elaborate.

“Okay.” Dick put his head back down.

They stayed like that, leaning against each other as if the entire world would collapse if they moved, neither speaking for fear of breaking this tenuous moment of calm. The mozzarella sticks sat on the counter, untouched.

But after what felt like only a few minutes, Jason noticed Dick’s eyelids beginning to droop and made the executive decision that it was time to leave. He shifted a little, which alerted Dick.

“Come on, Goldie. Time to go home.”

Dick smiled, and his smile was so fond, so unlike his usual smiles, that Jason felt like he was the only person in the world Dick saw. He decided to push that tingly feeling away and focus on getting him home instead.

Dick, as it turned out, wasn’t all that drunk. His earlier state was primarily grief-induced with only a little help from the alcohol. But even so, he leaned heavily on Jason as they walked to his Gotham apartment. Jason didn’t want to take him all the way to Bludhaven.

The traffic was bad - Gotham traffic was always bad, even at this time of night - and it was late by the time they’d made it up the six flights of stairs to Dick’s place. He liked to be high up, and such a cheap building didn’t have an elevator. Jason thought idly that maybe one of his nicer safehouses might have been a better choice, but they were already here.

He guided Dick to the room ever so gently but then let him fall unceremoniously onto the bed. Tucking him in wasn’t Jason’s job. He was on his way out of the room, planning on checking the contents of Dick’s fridge before bailing, when he heard a soft “Stay?”

Dick had inserted himself under the mound of blankets on the bed, only his head peeking out. The expression on his face was carefully controlled, as if he had just revealed too much and had hastened to fix it. Jason knew that expression. He wore it often.

“Not sure if that’s such a good idea, Dickie,” Jason said. He hoped Dick would drop it, because he didn’t know how to answer in a way that wouldn’t involve putting his heart on the line.

But Dick didn’t. “Please? I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair, still standing awkwardly in the doorway. “I guess I could get some sleep. And it’d be too close to morning by the time I got back to my place.” Dick smiled a little at that. “Can I steal one of those blankets?”

Dick’s smile disappeared much more quickly than it had come. “Why?”

“Couch won’t be very comfortable if I’m freezing my ass off.”

“No,” Dick said, too fast. “I meant- Could you stay here? With me.”

 _With me._ Those two words changed the whole meaning. But for some reason Jason hardly hesitated to walk to the other side of the bed and slide under the blanket mound after removing his shoes. He stayed near the edge, but he should have known it wouldn’t matter because Dick thrived on physical contact and initiated cuddling as soon as Jason was there. He rolled onto his side, one arm splayed across Jason’s chest, and nuzzled his head into his neck. The feel of Dick’s hair tickled Jason’s jaw, but he didn’t mind and reached up a hand to stroke it.

“You were a good brother to him,” he whispered, unsure if Dick could even hear. “He loved you.”

And then he felt Dick’s hand clench his shirt a little tighter, and he heard a small “Thank you, Jay.” He might’ve also heard an “I love you,” but that was most likely his imagination running wild.

Jason fell asleep that night to the sound of Dick’s breathing and the warm feeling of their bodies entangled together and the thought, the hope that maybe things wouldn’t change in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> My [tumblr](https://epistemologys.tumblr.com/)


End file.
